he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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