i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
