Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
