i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
