I cockslap morals
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
