My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
