"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
