I'm going to jail i love you
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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