So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
