Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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