Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
