my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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