It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
