i don't like sucking hair
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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