is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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