well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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