I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
