Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
