What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
