I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
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I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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