I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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