So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
