I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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