Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
