OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
