I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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