i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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