If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
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he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
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We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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