I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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