yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
time to smoke my breakfast
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
