I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
