I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Shame - the story of my life.
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