Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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