he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
