I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
either way he was missing a nipple.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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