we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed