His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
