We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
