I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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