laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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