I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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