I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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