it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
