I accidentally had phone sex last night
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
