yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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