just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
