she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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