I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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