Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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