dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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