So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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