A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
