Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
