I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
