I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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