I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
