I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
