I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
