I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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