Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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