I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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