That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
