She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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