I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
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Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
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Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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