how can u be prego again
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
