I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
