Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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