My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
