3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
