I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
