FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
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