I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
