As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Houston, we have a blender
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
