My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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