the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
