Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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