my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize