dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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